The Truth About Time and Deadlines

Here we are. The end of the first week of 2018. This is a time of self-reflection and possibilities. We feel it all around us. There is this sense of realizing that anything can happen within the span of the next 12 months. Anything at all. I hope that you have a wonderful year, full of learning and happiness and growth.

Before you embark any further into your own personal journeys, I want to remind you about something important: we are not constrained to anyone’s timeline. Your life is your own. The lessons you learn along the way are yours too. It is unique and different to mine or anyone else’s that you meet.

 

The Dangers of Comparisons

I know that I have touched upon this earlier, but just to reiterate, don’t worry about what people are accomplishing around you. This is particularly important when you see all of your friends getting married, having kids, finding amazing jobs. You are left to wonder “why not me?”.

If you haven’t reached these milestones yet, it doesn’t matter. Not one bit.

But what do I say to my family or my friends when they ask me questions about my life?

That will happen. Unfortunately, you can’t filter out what people say. The most important thing is that you are confident in your decisions. You can be honest, hear the general outcries of disapproval, but in the end, they will (eventually) realize that you know what you are doing. How? By telling them the honest to goodness truth. Explain your opinions, your reasoning, whatever they may be.

Communication is key. The aftermath settles. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer.

 

Forcing Yourself Into the Status Quo

Some people jump into things. I know I did. You probably have as well. There are pressures all around us – from family, friends, media – to get things done and get them done early in life.

“You’re 18! You should be going to university/college!”
“You’re almost 30! You should really settle down and have children!”
“You’re getting too old to be chasing after pipe dreams! Find a real job!”

Lies. All of them! I will not stand to hear comments like that.

What’s wrong with people saying that? I know that they are right. Everyone else is doing the same thing. Why am I so special to rebel?

These comments cause you to commit to things that you may not yet be ready for. You find yourself imprisoned in a marriage that you cannot stand, you find yourself unable to look after your children in the way you imagined, you find yourself in debt because you are enrolled in a program that you no longer care for.

Take your time. Some people are not ready to jump into things like this right away. Sometimes we aren’t ready or we aren’t prepared for the consequences. It’s not wrong, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you, … well, you!

Here’s the thing. Human beings, as a species, constantly adapt to our environments. It’s why we’re here today. Many, many years ago, we would only live for a short time. It became important to find a spouse before you were in your mid 20s, otherwise you wouldn’t have enough time to have children and watch them grow. That being said, you would also have to find a suitable career for your prospective family.

Now, we are living longer. We are surrounded by advancements in medicine and technology that allow us to extend our lifespan. The same rules no longer apply. So, go have fun with your time!

 

Re-Starting Later in Life

I couldn’t resist.

This is a theme for many of us. The older you get, the more you see that it does happen. People realize that their career is not fulfilling, the person that they’re with is not making them happy, their lives are less than what they want. So, they pick things up. Perhaps age has a way of making someone less ashamed to do these things.

I’ve seen someone in their 40s enroll themselves in college to pursue a new career path. Many may have told her that she’s silly and that she may only get a few years in the new role before she would have to retire. So? Also, the sad reality is that many of us don’t retire at the “normal retirement age”.

I know someone who decided to try to learn how to play a guitar late in life. He enrolled himself in a program that primarily teaches children, but there he was.

If taking things slow allow you to live a life that you can be proud of, why would you ever want to change that? So, if you don’t hear this within this year, know that it is okay to take your time. We learn at different paces and life is a learning experience.

 

So, take a deep breath. Let go of the unattainable goals, and focus on what you want, what you need, in this very moment. Do you need a break? Take 5 minutes. Drink some water. Have some tea. Wherever you are, put yourself first and really mean it.

Let go of the end goal. The lessons you learn along the journey are far more important. The achievements are just the cherry on top.

Happy New Year everyone!

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Accepting our Uniqueness

I too am hoping that I will ease up on these quotes

No one is the same. Every single person you see has a story about who they are, where they come from, and what made them do the things they do. It’s quite fascinating to witness what decisions someone else comes up with given the same situations. It’s all based on what lessons that person has learned along the way.

In a similar way, depression is not the same for everyone. Each person feels differently, understands things differently, and thus each person has to vanquish their demons uniquely. Sure, the symptoms can be the same – the lack of focus, the fatigue, the lack of motivation. Our bodies also experience similar things – the reduced serotonin or the low norepinephrine (for instance). However, each person goes through it differently. For some the cause is one specific trauma. For others, it’s a series of complications.

So, this is just a friendly reminder that just because one person does something, it doesn’t mean that same thing is right for you. You are you. No one else can be you. No one else can live through what you have lived through. Your bravery and perseverance has led you to stand here today. It was a hard road to get to today but you are here nonetheless. Take a moment and appreciate all of the hard work that you have put to pick yourself up. Not everyone can do this. Seriously.

 

The Problems with Wanting Another’s Life

Truth moment. We have all seen (or heard) about someone’s life and wondered “why don’t I have that?”. You see or hear about their accomplishments – especially through social media. It gets worse if they are younger than you. That 23 year-old with a nice apartment and a fancy car?? How did that happen???

First, it’s okay to feel jealous. We are human after all. However, we cannot let it consume us. Let the thought pop in your head and then let it go. Why? Because it’s never easy. Perhaps that 23 year-old has worked night and day, studying hard, and getting that amazing GPA. They probably invested in tutors to help. Perhaps the same person has had years of understanding about investments through a parent or relative. They just know because that’s what they grew up hearing about.

These are all external things. On the inside, perhaps they are unhappy. They were forced to give up something they truly love to follow something else. Point being, no one has an easy life.

Now, think about it for a moment. Do you really want that life? I’m not talking about wanting the material possessions because I’m sure everyone will say “hell yes!”. I’m talking about what they go through every day. The stress, the bad neighbors, the controlling boss, the lack of free time.

For example, I know that I can’t be a model. Do I want to? No! Sometimes, it makes me wonder why I can’t look like them. Yet, their lives are incredibly difficult. The pressures that exist in the industry to look a certain way, to be a certain way, is tough. It requires someone who can withstand all of that.

Sure, it’s good to learn from others. Get diet advice, investment advice, or whatever else that person can impart on to you, but don’t try to emulate their life. It’s a recipe for disaster.

 

Happiness is Subjective

Here’s the thing. What one person likes, another person hates. Just look at any YouTube video. No matter how amazing something is, you will always find at least one person who hates it.

It’s good to try new things, but if you hate it, you hate it. There’s not much that you or I could do about that. Be selfish in this case and say “nope, not for me!”. But do try.

If you like to do something, don’t worry about how good you are at it. Everyone has to start somewhere. No one starts something as a masterful genius. Just do it for you and the joy it brings you. Who knows, maybe through one of your tries you find something that you really like to do! As Mr. Rogers says:

 

 

Accept that you like something, don’t deny it. This is a part of you and it yearns to be expressed. So, if someone says you are a nerd, then accept it! You are a nerd! It’s liberating. It no longer becomes an insult. Words are only as powerful as you allow them to be.

 

Accepting your Limits

Let’s face it. There are things that we can’t do no matter how hard we try. For example, someone can be bad at math while someone else can be a human calculator. Now the person who is bad at math has to work harder to get through the various everyday problems we encounter (like calculating how much to tip at a restaurant). It is what it is. You can’t change that unless you work really hard and practice every day.

If we hate something, why would we waste our time? Therefore, maybe the person who is bad at math shouldn’t become a Mathematician. It is an overly simplified explanation, granted, but the core point is true. If you can’t do something, you can’t. No one but you is going to make a fuss. The rest of us will laugh it up.

Don’t worry about all the little things you have yet to master. If you want to learn how to do it, you will learn. If not, then we have apps and people to take care of it for us.

This is not the same as giving up. There are so many things to worry about so why worry about something you can’t do? I doubt Albert Einstein could have won a gold medal in an Olympic event. Yet, he is a genius. The point is, focus on what you like to do and what makes you eager to learn. Don’t define yourself by what you lack. You are much, much more than that.

 

Okay, I believe that I have droned on for long enough now. I wish you all the strength to accept yourself fully. For those of us Canadians out there, Happy Thanksgiving! Keep your head held high, no matter what circumstance you find yourselves in.