Depression and Weight

Depression manifests itself in many ways. There are countless side-effects that fall under this balloon term. One side-effect is our relationship with food. Some overeat to compensate, and others cut food out of their lives. It’s not something that people understand or even acknowledge. But it is very real for so many of us. Including myself.

A little backstory

One morning, I found myself, staring at the numbers on the scale in disbelief. It read 250lbs. This was scary. More than that, I was angry. Angry at myself for letting it get this far. How could I not see that it was this bad? The reason was simple: I wasn’t paying attention to what I was eating. It was never a concern. How could it be with everything going on? My self-esteem took another hit, sending it spiraling to someplace lower that I thought possible.

After that, I stuck to a strict diet plan and exercise. I am happy to report that so far I have already dropped 60 lbs. Yes, there is still a long way to go, but the point in me telling you this is that it is possible. I am no one special. I don’t have a team of nutritionists or personal trainers. I’m just a girl who’s fighting to get her life back. You can do it. I believe in you.

And believe me, this fight is absolutely worth it.

Weight and Self-Image

Weight is always something that is a weak point for us. We strive to look a certain way, act a certain way, because somehow, it would solve all of our problems. No, weight cannot solve all of your problems. It’s just another aspect of you.

I know it’s hard to accept. After all, people always assume that an overweight person is lazy and stupid. They also assume that an anorexic person isn’t suffering. Be comfortable in your own skin. You define your own beauty. Beauty is more about the way you carry yourself. If you are confident, hold your head up high, and have fun, you will appear beautiful.

Don’t believe me? People are naturally drawn to someone who confidently strides into the room, unashamed of themselves. Try it one day.

Making Changes

              I know the question that you are asking. If everyone can be beautiful, why make changes? When do you make changes? How do you know you are doing this for the right reasons?

              Yes, these questions are harder to answer. It is different for each and every person. Ultimately, you should be making changes for you. No one else. Accept yourself and focus on your health and your life. No one else matters in this decision.  

 

So, go out there into the world and show them all how beautiful you truly are.

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The Question of Identity

Sometimes, we are so consumed by our depression that it begins to take over our personality and sense of identity. This, in turn, exacerbates the symptoms. We begin to feel lost and trapped. Most who have not been through something like this, do not realize that this part also affects us.

There’s no wonder why this happens. If you feel a loss of energy, low self-esteem, and the inability to focus on a consistent basis, it is only natural that things in your life begin to feel out of balance. Old interests begin to feel bland. Everything around you begins to seem monotonous.

Breaking the Spell 

I like to think that depression works as a horribly-crafted alarm that acts as a call to change. Something is preventing you from being who you are meant to be. Could it be your job? Your living situation? A career path you’re working towards? Dropping out of school? Keep this in the back of your mind. Don’t answer this just yet.

Identity is a funny thing. You are not meant to answer the question of who you are. If you are in search of this, understand that you will never fully know. It’s a constantly evolving answer. Therefore, it makes no sense to stress about not knowing what you like, who you are, and who you are meant to be. These questions are just too big.

So are you trying to tell me that I’m supposed to ignore my life?

Not necessarily. Stressing about who you are doesn’t help you understand you. All it does is give you another source of anxiety. The only way you can begin to rediscover yourself is by trying new things. It may sound cliché. I would have thought so when I was in your shoes. Just bear with me for a moment and pretend like this thought doesn’t make you want to roll your eyes.

Rediscovering You

Think back to your past. What things made you happy? Do you remember a hobby that you used to enjoy? Were you ever a part of a group that you thought was fun? Try getting involved in that once again. Don’t worry about looking silly or feeling out of place. Most people don’t even notice.

A good website to look into for this is Meetup.com. This site lists groups for like-minded people within a certain distance of your city. There’s so much variety on here that at times it begins to seem overwhelming. This website also does something important: allowing you to try new things without worrying about what your friends say or do. This is for you and you alone.

Learn to play an instrument (more and more adults are beginning to do this so you are not alone)! Begin writing again! Start experimenting in the kitchen! The possibilities are endless!

Hopefully, you will begin to feel a slight twinge of … dare I say, excitement?

This sounds a bit too good to be true. How does this help me?

One thing that you have to keep in mind is that you will feel boredom while immersed in your new-found hobby. That happens every now and then. I mean, we are human after all. Just think of how this new hobby/sport/interest makes you feel. What are you getting from it?

This is supposed to serve as a means to pick at the broader question of what you are missing in your life. Maybe you find a new career path. Maybe you realize that the people that you live with are detrimental to your mental health. Maybe you find new friends to lift your spirits.

 

Here is something that I heard that has always stuck with me. If you are afraid of doing something, whether it be going back to school or putting yourself out there when trying something new, it usually means that this is important to you. You do not want to risk failure or losing something. Let this fear guide you by taking the leap.

For example: I knew that the degree I chose was not what I wanted to do. I needed to find something new. I had so many fears about going back. Will I be too old? What about my financial situation? These questions still bugged me but I knew that this served as an investment for my future (not speaking in monetary terms but in overall well-being).

You are worth the risk.

So, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself. Dare yourself if you have to. More importantly, have some fun!!!!

And now I leave you with this cheesy quote ☺

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

When you are experiencing long-term depression, there are many lies that you tell yourself day in and day out. It becomes so consistent, so persuasive, that we begin to believe them! They become our thoughts, our feelings, … our actions.

Recognizing the Lies

The common types of lies are self-deprecating. Have you ever said this to yourself?

• “I can’t do this because I am [insert insult – stupid, dumb, fat, etc]”
• “No one likes me because I am …”
• “No one understands me”
• “I am alone”

Notice that the statements are always simple. It’s nothing substantial. It’s just the same as a bully picking on you.

How do you stop this?

I like to think that the lies originate from a tiny demon or shadow that’s whispering in your ear. They can be controlled and even silenced at times. The strength of their words rely on your willingness to listen.

By personifying the negativity, you regain some control. For instance, if you believe that the person saying this to you is Sid from Toy Story, then you can easily tell him to shut the hell up or go away.

The Big Meanie – just a stupid kid

Sometimes that’s not enough

In this instance, I would suggest that you find a piece of paper and a pen (or just type it out – whatever you prefer) and begin replying to the statements.

For example: 

The lie – “I can’t go to the gym today because I am too fat and everyone will laugh at me.”

Begin replying to this. Have a full conversation if you must.”

Me: “Well, everyone starts off somewhere. Besides, usually people are more focused on their workout to see what I’m doing.”
Liar: “Nope. You probably suck at this.”
Me: “I can always try. There’s no harm in trying.”
Liar: “You’ll fail”
Me: “The point is to work out. To feel better. Not to win anything.”

You get the idea. Just keep doing this and you’ll come to realize that the original lie is beginning to look more and more ridiculous.

I highly, highly recommend looking at this website. TUT – Notes from the Universe

You’re rolling your eyes. Don’t deny it. I did the same thing. Getting an email from the universe?? Okay, but hear me out. It helps. It’s a little boost of positivity sent straight to your email inbox for you to read every morning (weekends excluded).

Example of what you may see:

It’s pretty awesome. Please check it out. Feel free to unsubscribe to it if it doesn’t help you.

So this is running a bit longer than I had intended. Until next time! As always, please feel free to send me a message if you would like me to cover something that I have not yet covered. Have an amazing weekend! You deserve some fun. 

What I learned about Depression and Anxiety

Depression and anxiety are usually products of fear. It sounds so simple, so stupid, but it is the truth. If you would have said that to me years ago, I would have explained to you what a brave person I am, but it would be a lie. That’s not to say that we are all cowards. No, far from that. We just have a powerful, underlying fear that is echoing in our minds on a constant basis. Someone who is afraid of spiders, for instance, would not be called a coward if they were haunted with spiders on a daily basis.

Now, if we are going to delve into this, it is only fair that I tell you a bit about me. I am an overachiever. In high school, I was the honor roll student, constantly getting great marks without having to try too hard (yes, I realize the seething hatred that others feel when encountering people such as myself). I had set high expectations. I will be an honor roll student every year, be the best in every job, have a great family, make lots of money, and retire early to focus on my real passions. Nothing less would suffice.

However, things rarely go as planned. I first experienced depression in high school (unsurprisingly). You cannot commit to living a full life by denying who you are. I didn’t know that then (or better, I didn’t realize that at that time). In university, my grades tanked (also, a very common phenomenon). This was when I realized that my ideal life was slipping away. To me, this was a realization of my fear of failure.

Cue the existential crisis.

Over the years (almost 10 years), I tried different things to get over this. So, here we are.